6. Lentils

I haven't worked a job job since October of 2004.  The reason why I say job job is because I have worked miscellaneous jobs since then.  I had two temporary jobs with Maumee Valley Country Day School in 2005 and 2006 as an assistant teacher, but those were 4 week stints each.  I've been a concert promoter and I was making some money as an artist selling stuff to people I know and at tables and booths at conventions.  However, those last two weren't really paying the bills.  The apartment I had before I moved in with my dad in 2003, it was the last time I paid rent and utilities.  In fact I stopped paying all of my bills I slipped slowly into a mental breakdown.  It was the kind of quiet mental breakdown that started with my divorce and career crash and slowly led to me living off the kindness of others.  

But the last punch in/punch out, work evenings and weekends, and wish I would die on the way to work or while working job job I had I was a delivery driver at Papa John's Pizza for an excruciatingly long October in 2004.  The last morning I worked I went in before open with the asshole of a manager.  Well, apparently some huge order came in that was twice what he thought it was going to be and he panicked because he only had my under-trained ass.  At this point, all I knew how to do was deliver pizzas and fold boxes and I didn't do that very well.  Of course, like every asshole I ever worked for, he blamed me, even thought it was very much his fault I was under-trained.  Up until this point he only worked me on busy nights to whip me into shape for delivery. During this there never was enough time to get me on the phones or on the pizza line.

I used to take a lot more shit from bosses at jobs like this in my twenties, but now I was 34.  I had 8 years of college under my belt and two bachelor's degrees in useless subjects.  I was no longer a kid using a job as a stepping stone to a brighter future.  I was in "the future" and not so starry-eyed about it.  I hated life and mostly I hated myself and I certainly stopped giving a shit about what some shithead manager thought.  So he says to me, "Is this all you can do?"  I replied, "Look, if you give me something to do, I'll do it but it's not going to be perfect right away."  To which he further replied, "Well, if your stupid ass learned this stuff when you were supposed to we wouldn't have any of these problems."  At that point I took my Papa John's cap and shirt (I had a t-shirt on underneath) and threw them to the floor, "Fuck you!"  

"You can't talk to me that way!" he screamed.
"Well, I just did," and I gave him the finger and walked out.  He was yelling shit like, "What am I supposed to do?"  Hey, if he was smart enough to call ME stupid, then he could figure it out.  That cracks me up when people whine like that. Why should I give a shit?  For all I cared I could have drowned that guy in the bathtub face up to watch his expression as he died.  I didn't just say "Fuck you," and give the finger to just that guy that day.  I did it to every boss I ever had before him.  That order I left him alone with was for almost a hundred pizzas.  I still think he didn't suffer enough.  That was the last time I had to work a job like that.

That was about the same time I started drawing comics again, doing art, and selling at ska shows.  My friends started taking me to conventions sharing or actually renting me tables at them.  I used Tony Steele's method for packaging and selling autographed prints of my work and I started making more money.  Then I was given a chance to have a one night showing of my art at the coffee house where I hung out and did a lot of business.  Somewhere in there I did the temporary teaching gigs.  Then when the ska concert promoter left for college I took over and started booking shows.  I wasn't making a steady living but I was bringing in some money for myself doing what I wanted.  It wasn't going to take much more of a boost before it became really lucrative, but then I hit a wall with two things. 1. My car died 2. I came down with heart failure.  Those two things really set me back.

I didn't just give up right there.  I kept booking shows and got rides from friends, but the club I was booking at lost their liquor license and closed.  I couldn't find another club to book all ages shows during the weekend.  I started taking Zoloft for my depression but I was one of the few people that the drug made more depressed and it also gave me a voracious appetite and I started gaining weight.  By the time I figured out what the Zoloft was doing to me I had gained over 40 pounds.  The depression from the Zoloft killed my drawing urge too.  Not too long after that I got into a car wreck that injured my ribs and back.  The back injury limited my mobility some and I gained more weight.  I topped the scales at 373.  I could hardly walk, I was wiped out all the time, and I felt like shit.  I won't even go into the details of how moving out of town made things difficult for me.  That's another entry.  Either way, I thought I was done.  I figured I wouldn't have very much longer to live.  So I applied for welfare and social security disability benefits.  I have been on food stamps for over a year now, but none of the other assistance came through.  I just didn't see my life going much of anywhere.

Now, I have this recovery. A second chance I never thought I'd get.  I am very glad it came and I'm glad I'm getting another chance, but it's kind of frightening to me.  I was preparing for the last few years of my life and didn't have to worry about my future any more.  I'm pretty sure that my social security application will be denied, because almost all of them are the first time, but I am now in no position to make an appeal.  I thought I was going to get the disability in about a year then move back to Toledo to be close to family and friends in my last few years.  However, now I won't be able to make an appeal if I'm getting better, which means I'm going to have to start thinking about working again.  

There's no way in hell I'm ready to go back to work now.  I'm better but I need to be in better shape and slim down.  I hope this will take about a year to get to a reasonable shape.  In the mean time I have to give some serious thought to what I'm going to do.  As it stands now, I really don't know.  I know a lot about what I don't want to do.  

It was suggested I go back to college. Well, I have some serious financial troubles with college.  I've already got a six figure debt with college loan people.  I got a degree in philosophy but I hate philosophy now with the same passion I liked it when I started it.  I also have a bachelor's in English but why get a graduate degree in something that would never be able to pay off my loan.  Besides, if I really want to write I should just write instead of hiding in school like I did eight years.  Aside from all of that I have no idea what I'd do with it.  Again, I don't want to repeat the mistakes of my past and hiding in college was one of them.  I'm not saying going to college is hiding but the way I did was.  I would go back to college if I had a serious goal and I needed college to achieve it.  I'm not going to college to find a goal.  

It may seem ironic that it's taken me this long to bring up cooking, and the most obvious topic of working as a cook.  But the most available jobs for cooks is to work in restaurants, ugh.  Restaurant work, especially in the kitchen, is hot, smelly, tense, and rushed.  Everything weighs on speed.  I'm not a fast worker.  That's one of the reasons why I have such a bad track record with jobs.  I'm that guy at every job that just can't catch up.  If anything I'd like to work in the front as a server or bartender but speed is pretty intense there too and its all nights, weekends, and holidays.  I'm not doing that again, it was never worth missing the good times.
 
I just don't want to work a job I hate.  It doesn't even have to be super awesome but I need to like it.  I like working with people and I like being creative.  I don't like a lot of authority or pressure. It would also have to be something flexible enough to let me go to cons and be with friends.  I know I can't ask for the perfect job to just fall into my lap right away, but it's got to contribute some way to what I will do in the bigger picture.  I just don't want to repeat my past mistakes.  All this and I've barely considered the money factor.  Oy vey!

So I've got a lot to think about but I do have some time to think about it and plan.  This is why I'm spreading on the tabsle now.  Just to see what I have working for me.  I need to really consider what are my strengths, passions, and weaknesses.  At least I have nothing tying me down to where I live in fact I think I need to get the fuck out of Ohio all together.  I'm making decisions here that could be the next twenty or so years of my life.  The years fly by quicker at my age, but they can still punch as hard as ever.

Lentils 

I never heard of lentils until they were mentioned on the British comedy The Young Ones that showed episodes on Sunday nights on MTV back in the 80s.  Neal, the hippy of the group was supposed to prepare them for dinner and did just about everything but that.  Even then I didn't really see a lentil until years later.    Lentils are a high protein legume that come in a variety of colors, most commonly brown or red.  There are countless ways to prepare lentils but the following is a simple and tasty way to prepare them.  You can serve them with just about anything.  The last time I had them I ate them with herbed quinoa.  Do not soak them over night.  Just rinse and drain and they're ready to cook.

The stuff for making lentils.

1 cup of red or brown lentils, rinsed and drained
1 quart (4 cups, 32oz) unsalted chicken broth
1/2 cup of diced onions
1/2 cup diced carrots
 3 teaspoons of minced garlic
red wine vinegar

-Bring the chicken stock to a boil in a large pot.

I reduce the sodium content with an unsalted chicken stock.

  
-Add the lentils, onions, carrots, and garlic.  Allow to return to a boil, then reduce to a simmer.
-Cook for about twenty minutes and taste the lentils for tenderness.  I like my lentils very tender, so I usually cook them another ten minutes.
-When your lentils reach your desired tenderness turn off the heat and let set for about five minutes to allow thickening.  
-When it has reached a desired thickness, add a splash of red wine vinegar and serve.

I found this dish quite tasty and filling.

There were only 12 episodes of The Young Ones, but they hilarious and my favorite British TV show.